Why Some Parents Don’t Accept Non-Punitive Methods

August 1st, 2011

by Katrina Brooke

by Dr. Jane Nelsen More Info
Author, Positive Discipline series
Author, Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World

Excerpted from Positive Discipline: The First Three Years

Because all children (and all parents) are unique individuals, there are usually several non-punitive solutions to any problem. Some of the parents we meet at lectures and parenting classes don’t immediately understand or accept these solutions; indeed, Positive Discipline requires a “paradigm shift” — a radically different way of thinking about discipline. Parents who are hooked on punishment often are asking the wrong questions. They usually want to know:

  • How do I make my child mind?
  • How do I make my child understand “no”?
  • How do I get my child to listen to me?
  • How do I make this problem go away?

Most frazzled parents want answers to these questions at one time or another, but they are based on short-term thinking. Parents will be eager for non-punitive alternatives when they ask the following questions-and see the results this change in approach creates for them and their children.

  • How do I help my child learn respect, cooperation, and problem-solving skills?
  • How do I help my child feel capable?
  • How do I help my child feel belonging and significance?
  • How do I get into my child’s world and understand his developmental process?
  • How can I use problems as opportunities for learning-for my child and for me?

These questions address the big picture and are based on long-term thinking. We have found that when parents find answers to the long-term questions, the short-term questions take care of themselves: Children do “mind” and cooperate (at least, most of the time) when they’re involved in finding solutions to problems; they will understand “no” when they are developmentally ready; and they listen when parents listen to them and talk in ways that invite listening. Problems are solved more easily when parents use kind and firm guidance until children are old enough to be involved in the process of creating limits and focusing on solutions.


Comments Closed

About The Shyne School
 
facebook
Message Board
Coming Events

AUGUST 2019

28 Last Day of Summer and PARTY 10:30 to 12:30 – ALL ENROLLED WELCOME!
29 CLOSED Teacher Work Day
30 to Sept 6th Summer Break,  Only and Plus students on Break, care for Full Day Students
Download the …
Read more
Important Information

 The Shyne School is open Monday to Friday, 7:00 AM to 6:00 PM, Regular Hours.

We are happy to be engaging Tri Landscape & Design Inc {(206) 953-0722} for landscaping and  for the next snow storms removal.

If …

Read more
Tour Our School

We are currently full and will only offer tours for classrooms with openings until Open Tours in  January & February 2020 when we begin enrollment for the following summer and fall.

Tours are offered Monday to Friday at 9:30 or …

Read more