The Logic Won’t Happen Without the Love

August 23rd, 2012

by Katrina Brooke

How do we help our kids develop the type of cause-effect logic that leads to good decision-making? Is it by showing them how tough we are, or is it by showing them how much we love them as they experience the tough consequences of their poor decisions?
 
Our anger allows kids to blame us for the consequences
of their poor decisions.
 
Our loving empathy forces them to blame themselves
for these consequences.
 
If we’re forgetting our sincere empathy, it will increase the odds that they’ll lack the logical, commonsense reasoning required to stay safe in today’s complex world.
 
Some reminders…
  • Lock in the empathy first!

    Before describing consequences, do your best to establish a sincere love connection with your child. Whenever appropriate, pair your words (e.g. “This is so sad.”) with caring eye contact and touch.

    This also applies to setting limits. Before saying, “You may have that toy when you can afford it,” take a moment to show your love.

  • Delay the consequence when you’re too angry to be empathetic.

    People who use Love and Logic aren’t always sweet and sappy. Sometimes they put some steel in their voices and say, “I’m too angry right now to make a good decision about what you’ve done. We’ll talk about it when I’m calm.”

  • When it’s over, it’s over.

    There are few things more damaging to any relationship than taking out the trash…and then throwing it back inside through an open window! When kids experience consequences we must resist the urge to rub salt in the wounds by lecturing after the fact.

  • Use as few words as possible.

    The most effective people use very few words when things are going wrong.

For more quick tips to help kids learn from their mistakes rather than repeat them, listen to our audio, Four Steps to Responsibility.
 
Thanks for your reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
 
Dr. Charles Fay

©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc.


Comments Closed

About The Shyne School
 
facebook
Message Board
Coming Events
Download the Annual Calendar 2019 2020

*We follow the NSD calendar for breaks. We make accommodations for LWSD families.

November 2019

11 Veterans Day Regular day
28-29 CLOSED Thanksgiving Day

**Parent/Teacher conferences Nov to Jan. screenings Complete

December 2019

2-12 …

Read more
Important Information

 The Shyne School is open Monday to Friday, 7:00 AM to 6:00 PM, Regular Hours.

We are happy to be engaging Tri Landscape & Design Inc {(206) 953-0722} for landscaping and  for the next snow storms removal.

If …

Read more
Tour Our School

We are currently full and will only offer tours for classrooms with openings until Open Tours in  January & February 2020 when we begin enrollment for the following summer and fall.

Tours are offered Monday to Friday at 9:30 or …

Read more