April 25th, 2012
by Katrina Brooke
Have you ever put off a critical conversation? Have you known you need to share something, set a boundary, or confront a wrongdoing, and yet resisted doing it?
You’ve put it off long enough. You know you need to have that critical conversation with a boss, colleague, or mate. The longer you wait, the more anxious you become.
Love and Logic has some tools that will help you in tackling those hard-to-face situations. Let’s remind ourselves of some of the principles that have helped us with our children, and now want to utilize with that important adult in our life:
- Be prepared. More than a Boy/Girl Scout motto, this principle applies in adult relationships as well. Rehearse what you want to say and how you want to say it.
- Remember that emotions are contagious. The way you talk to this adult is likely the way they will respond to you. Set the tone with respect, courtesy, and dignity.
- Share what you’d like to see as an outcome. While you cannot control others, you can ask for what you want. The more specific the request, the better.
- Listen to their point of view. These “critical conversations” aren’t about winning — they are about making meaningful contact with another person. Allowing them to share their reaction to what you have to say is important.
- Make agreements. Change happens when two or more people make meaningful agreements. Brainstorm what you can agree upon. Agreements are the gateway to change. Map out what both of you will change. How will you mark progress? How will you hold one another accountable for change?
Relating with Love and Logic offers wisdom for our relationships. Maintain your composure, keep your eye on the goal and change yourself, asking for exactly what you’d like from that significant other in your life. Try relating with the respect of the other in mind. See if you can talk about a “charged” topic without slipping into brainstem reacting. You’ll have a far greater chance of finding a resolution both you and they can live with.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Dr. David B. Hawkins
Co-Author: Love and Logic Magic For Lasting Relationships
©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc