Choices, Consequences and Children’s Difficult Behaviours

December 2nd, 2014

by Katrina Brooke

May 16th, 2014 Author: Sheila

Struggling with difficult behaviour?  

All your child’s behaviour has a reason

Therefore get to the ‘why’ of the behaviour, to how the child or teen feels; to what is under the behaviour. Meet the unmet need  & they won’t need that difficult behaviour anymore. See challenging behaviour as a cry for help and you will respond compassionately and more kindly and get better outcomes.

Give time to the child to get to the cause of the poor behaviour

Try resolving things through having a good relationship where things get talked out (that means you have to listen!). It means you have to come in calm, seeking first of all to understand how they feel. Then they are open to maybe understand things from your point of view. They may be defensive initially but remain calm, as when you act differently, they respond differently!

If you are about to ‘lose it’

You may need to escape to take a deep deep breaths to stay calm, but make no mistake – the calmer you are – the calmer things are!  In other words, take an action for self (leave the room for a minute, count to 10) or you otherwise may take an action against the child.

Punishment is counter productive

Looking back, when I discovered consequences I relied too heavily on them and they stopped working. Children learn nothing from threats and you may not always be able to follow them through ‘you’re grounded till your 36!’ The first time you put a consequence in place it works, but after a few time the child may respond ‘I don’t care’. Then what do you do? The relationship suffers also as the child may feel ‘I’m bad, bad, bad’ and feel discouraged.

Choices work with children – be Kind, Firm but never Cross

‘If you choose to tidy the toys before dinner, you are choosing to watch Pippa Pig after dinner

If you choose not to tidy the toys before dinner, you are choosing not to watch the show after dinner

You decide

I see you have chosen not to watch Pippa Pig, don’t worry you can try again tomorrow’ all said with love..

Positive Parenting

Catch your child being good as all behaviour reinforces – the more we catch them out, the more negative behaviour we see. Use a star chart to remind you to tell your child what they are doing well and you will see them do more good. Focus on the slight improvement, the effort and you will see your child blossom and grow happier and more co operative.

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