In part one of the article "Kids and Lying," I wrote about a situation in which the parent knew what her child had done, but what if you suspect a misbehavior but don't know for sure? Then what do you do?

Janice's intuition tells her that her son Brad has been drinking at some recent parties. However, as they say on those cop shows, she just doesn't have the evidence to prove it.

 

Lack of evidence shouldn't keep her from talking with him about it. "Brad, I've been getting this funny feeling that you are drinking at those parties. I just don't like to worry about things like that, especially since you are driving." "Aw, Mom, you don't have to worry about that. You know I don't drink." "That could be, Brad, but you've lied to me about some other things lately, so I am worrying about it." "Yeah, but why are you on my case about this? I'm not lying this time." "Brad, we are not talking about lying. We are talking about my worrying. And your job is to make sure I don't worry. I love you, and as a mom I have a duty to worry about drinking and driving. It's all about keeping you and others alive." "So?" "So, Brad, I know that if you are not driving, I won't worry as much. Figure out a good way to keep me from worrying and you'll get back the keys to the car." "But why do you think I'm lying?" "Brad, we're talking about worry, not lying. I'll be anxious to hear your plan to set my mind at ease. Thanks, pal. See you later." Could you use the same approach about brushing teeth, computer use, cell phone use, etc.? Write to me and tell me about your creative use of this technique with your own kids. Check out pages 198 and 227 in Parenting with Love and Logic to learn more about childhood lying. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Jim Fay