“Why do I have to repeat myself time and again?” “Why won’t she listen to me?” Listening and following directions are important skills young children must learn. There are many reasons why children do not follow directions. „ The child does not hear the direction. Parents often give directions from a distance or in passing. “Lauren, get your shoes on.” Did your child actually hear what you said? Just as adults often don’t hear what their partner has said to them because they are focused on reading, email or talking on the phone, children too often don’t hear what a parent has said because they are focused on a task such as building a tower or drawing a picture. „ The parent gives too many directions at one time. When you give your child too many directions at one time, it reduces the chance that she will follow the directions and increases the chance that she will be confused. “Lauren, please go upstairs, brush your teeth and pick up your blocks while I finish the dishes.” This multi-step direction is too long and complicated for your child to easily understand. Instead, try giving one direction at a time. „ The child doesn’t understand the direction or the direction is too vague. Directions such as “Settle down,” “stop,” or “be nice” might be too vague and difficult for your child to understand. If she is throwing toys out of the bathtub and you simply say, “Lauren,” you have not actually told her what you want her to do. If you say, “stop it,” it may temporarily stop the behavior, but she still may not know what you want her to do. If what you mean is, “Lauren, toys stay in the tub,” then you need to explicitly tell her so. „ The direction does not tell the child what to do. Parents often tell children what not to do, rather than what they should do. It is important to state directions positively in order to teach your child the expectation. Instead of saying, “Stop running!”, state the direction positively by saying, “Use walking feet.” „ The direction sounds like a suggestion or question. Daily conversation is filled with questions, suggestions and directions. When you say, “Will you put your shoes away?” you are not giving your child a direction—you are asking her a question. When you give your child a direction that needs to be followed, it is essential that you tell your child what to do rather than ask. For example, “Lauren, put your shoes by the door.” Try This at Home „ It is important to follow through when you give your child a direction. A technique you can use to make sure you do follow through when your child has difficulty complying, or following directions is Do-WAWP. » Do—State the “do” direction. » W—Wait for compliance (silently count to 5). » A—Ask the child to restate the direction. » W—Wait for compliance (silently count to 5). » P—Provide encouragement or help (helping will ensure success). Make sure that you have your child’s attention. Eye contact is a great indicator! When you state the “do” direction you are teaching your child the desired behavior. For instance, “Lauren, go brush your teeth.” When you count to five, you are giving her the opportunity to hear and process the direction. Parents often repeat the same direction over and over in that five second period. When you repeat the same direction to your child time and again, it teaches her that she does not have to follow the direction the first time. Instead, state the direction once and then have your child restate the direction back to you. This way you can confirm that she heard you and understood what you were saying. Finally, offering help may simply mean that you take her hand and lead her to the bathroom. Don’t forget to encourage your child by saying something like, “Wow, Lauren, what great listening ears! Thank you for brushing your teeth.” Practice at School In addition to verbal instructions, teachers use many methods to give directions and help children understand expectations. These methods may include using symbols or pictures, sign language or gestures, songs, puppets, instruments, sand timers, or other tools. The more opportunities children are given to see or hear the instructions, the more likely they are to complete the task. For example, when teachers need to tell the class that it is time to go inside from the playground, in addition to words they may use a sound (e.g., ring a bell) to alert the children about this event. Children know that the sound means that it is time to line up at the door, even if they do not hear the verbal instructions. When teachers pair words with other signals, they help children to confidently and successfully participate in activities. The Bottom Line Listening and following directions are skills that children learn through their daily interactions. When children do not follow directions, for any reason, it can be extremely frustrating for parents. You can increase the chances that your child will listen and successfully follow your directions when you make sure that your direction is clearly stated and you follow through. An important consideration for parents when teaching their child to follow directions is to “pick your battles”. You want to avoid insisting that your child follow directions that are not important or can escalate to a major struggle when the direction is not critical. Pick a few, very important directions that you will follow-through with your child. Brooke Brogle, Alyson Jiron & Jill Giacomini More like this at: http://challengingbehavior.cbcs.usf.edu/Implementation/family.html#collapse2