Building Sincere Relationships

September 19th, 2012

by Katrina Brooke

I’ll never forget the first time I tried to use a Love and Logic “technique” on my wife. We were having a bit of marital tension that had evolved into a small argument. I can’t remember what the spat was all about…probably because I was doing such a lousy job listening in the first place. I do remember going through my mental menu of techniques, considering which would be best to use on her.
 
Out of my mouth came a rather mechanical and insincere version of, “I love you too much to argue.”
 
She wasn’t impressed! In fact, she banned me from ever using “Love and Logic” on her again.
 
Is it true that the condition of our heart determines the impact of our actions? At the precise time of this incident, was my heart filled with sincere love and empathy, or was this squelched by my desire to control my wife?
 
Is it possible that many of the interpersonal frustrations we experience in life boil down to our attempts to control others with techniques, instead of building sincere relationships? Is it also possible that focusing on techniques enables some of us to insulate ourselves from the messy yet extremely rewarding intimacy achieved through such relationships?
 
There’s nothing wrong with techniques or skills, as long as they’re used within the context of love.
 
For more tips on keeping your marriage solid or help just getting things back on track, read our Marriage book.
 
Thanks for your reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
 
Dr. Charles Fay 

©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc.

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